I get this call more than you'd think. It usually starts with "I don't know if this is weird to ask, but..." and then there's a pause, and then someone tells me they have a piece of jewelry they can't wear anymore and can't bring themselves to throw away.

It's not weird. It's actually one of the most common reasons people walk into my studio.

There's no one right answer for what to do. But I can tell you what I've seen work, and what I wouldn't recommend.

The first thing to know: you don't have to decide right now

If you just came out of something and you're staring at a ring trying to figure out what to do with it, please — put it in a drawer. Time is a real variable here. The decision you'd make six months from now is probably not the same decision you'd make today, and the worst outcomes I've seen have come from people rushing to melt something down because they wanted it gone.

A ring in a drawer is not a problem. A melted-down ring you regret is.

If you decide the piece has to change

Here are the options I usually walk clients through.

Resetting the stone. If it's a quality center stone — a diamond, a sapphire, something with actual material value — the stone itself has nothing to do with the relationship. It's a piece of the earth. I can pull it from the original setting and reset it into something completely different. A pendant. A right-hand ring in a style you'd never have worn before. A band with the stone bezel-set flat, which is my favorite transformation because it reads totally different from a traditional engagement ring.

Selling it. Some people just want the money and the closure. That's valid. But know this: unless the piece is a notable designer name like Tiffany, Cartier, or Van Cleef, resale value is low. You'll typically get back a fraction of what was paid — somewhere between 20% and 40% is the honest range for most rings. The diamond market is not the housing market. I'd rather see most people keep the piece and repurpose it than sell it for pennies on the dollar.

Splitting it up. If the ring has side stones or accent diamonds, you can have them pulled out and made into small pieces. Earrings. A tennis-style bracelet link. Something small for a daughter someday. The big stone and the small stones don't have to stay together.

Returning it. In some cases the person who gave it to you wants it back. Whether you give it back is your call, not mine. I've seen it go both ways and I don't have an opinion.

What I'd avoid

Don't do anything permanent while you're in the first wave of feelings. I had a client once who wanted me to smash her center stone with a hammer in front of her. I understood the impulse, and I declined. She came back three months later and we reset the stone into a ring for her mother. That stone is now being worn by someone she loves. The hammer would have been satisfying for about two minutes, and then she'd have had nothing.

And don't let anyone — friends, internet forums, a new partner — tell you what you have to do with it. This is your piece. The timeline is yours.

The conversation nobody tells you to have

If you're redesigning something from an old relationship into something new for yourself, think about whether you want the new piece to feel connected to the old one or completely separate. Both are valid. Some people want the stone in a setting that feels like nothing before. Others want to keep elements — the metal, a pattern — as a quiet nod to the history.

I ask clients this directly during the design meeting: "Do you want this to feel like a continuation, or a clean break?" The answer shapes every decision that comes after.

If you're ready to think about transformation: How Much Does Jewelry Redesign Cost? An Honest Breakdown.

If you're holding onto something and you're finally ready to do something with it — or just ready to talk about what your options are — you can reach out here. No pressure. Santa Monica studio, appointment only, and I won't push you into a decision you're not ready for.